Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

I came across a Twitter thread by Ben Lesh some days ago where he narrated his experience traveling to Silicon Valley to interview for a role with Netflix at the age of 37, overweight and with three kids at the time.

Ben had no college degree and as if the universe needed to intimidate him further, on the flight, he sat between two young college graduates; one from MIT and the other from Carnegie Melon. I imagine they struck a conversation and Ben discovered one of them was into Linux Kernel Development and he couldn’t even begin to imagine what that entailed. At this point If I was Ben, I’d probably have said ‘all right that’s it, is there a parachute anywhere on this flight?, I’d love to land and take the next bus back home.’

In his words, ‘I remember dread setting in. Feeling like a dopey old man in the land of young geniuses. I couldn’t understand why Netflix wanted me there to interview’.

‘What was I doing? Was I just going to embarrass myself? How did I even get on this plane? I had traveled so very little at that point in my life that airports were really confusing. What does Silicon Valley even look like? A desert? A regular city? Complete dread set in.’

In his utter confusion and what I’d consider almost a mental breakdown, he stated that a realization set in; the worst that could happen was the trip would be a free trip to California and a short tour of Netflix (A really cool experience for someone like me if I take out the shame of having to tell my family and friends that I didn’t get the job lol) and in his ‘extreme impostor syndrome’ he stated that he found comfort in thinking ‘Well, I’ll do my best and not worry about it.’

He got the position as you guessed already (he said ‘luckily’ but I think not! He deserved every bit of it as he must have put in the work to be invited for the interview in the first place).

Ben Lesh’s experience carefully details impostor syndrome, the reason behind his having impostor syndrome which I believe must have been his age coupled with other challenges, and the fact that he didn’t think he had enough experience at the time. His experience also mirrors the stages of overcoming impostor syndrome.

Impostor syndrome is the internal feeling or experience that you are not as competent or skilled as people perceive you to be.

Reasons You Might Feel Like an Impostor

Generally, the better or more informed I feel about a subject or topic, the more confident I become when speaking about it or working with the knowledge that I have. This principle applies to myriads of cases and scenarios. However, there are certain instances where the more you know about a subject, the more you still have to know. The reason is simple. There are industries so dynamic and fast-paced that your knowledge can become outdated pretty quickly if you refuse to stay up to date with the latest innovations or improvements. A typical example of industries such as this is the Tech space.

There are so many aspects of tech and methods of solving problems with technology that almost no software engineer can confidently say that he/she knows it all. There is just someone who is more knowledgeable about an aspect than the next person and so on. This is why it is so commonplace in the tech world for impostor syndrome to thrive.

There are also instances where a person’s background and challenges may be so ingrained that he or she is left in denial when a good turn comes their way even if they are a result of their hard work.

Finally, perfectionist-experts have often been said to go through a healthy dose of impostor syndrome and the reason is simple. Perfectionists want to get every single thing right and feel inadequate when this is not attainable. An expert on the other hand is considered to be largely educated in a field and would also feel inadequate in a field where it is almost impossible to be an expert at all or for a long period as it is in the tech industry.

Stages of Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

1. The first stage is the realization that what you are experiencing is in fact, impostor syndrome. You recognize the presence of the problem. You know you are qualified to be in the room but you just do not ‘feel qualified’ enough. Impostor Syndrome is more of a feeling than it is of facts.
2. Separate how you feel from the facts. Ben Lesh had definitely taken steps in his life which qualified him to be given the consideration of being interviewed by Netflix. The physical manifestation is his being on that flight in which I suppose Netflix must have fully paid for. That was a fact and not a feeling.
3. The Silver Lining stage. What’s the absolute worst that could happen? You get outed for the fraud that you think you are and shown the exit door. When this happens, you know you have at least learned one way not to do whatever it is and gained valuable experience in the process. In Ben Lesh’s experience, the silver lining would have been the free trip to California and a free tour of Netflix although short(I would have passed out from the excitement in that experience alone lmao).
4. Recognize your right to fail. Failure is part of the journey and it is absolutely okay to fail as long as you learn from whatever lesson it comes with. Also, be content with the fact that sometimes things just don’t work out but it is our life’s duty to never give up and keep going.
5. Trust your ability to deliver the best version of yourself. Resolve to do your absolute best, impostor syndrome or not. Simply put, do it afraid. It was exactly what happened when Ben Lesh said in his extreme impostor syndrome, ‘well, I’ll do my best and not worry about it’.

PS: I sought and obtained the permission of Ben Lesh to use his tweet as a reference for this article. I hope his experience inspires you. Thank you so much, Ben!